Oil on canvas, 16”x20”

(I wrote about this painting earlier, before I painted over it, in “Silent Self Portrait.”)

Sometimes I think it’s a really good idea to, you know, ruin a perfectly good painting. I guess I wouldn’t say it’s ruined exactly, but apparently I was going through an “abstract” phase (currently going through one right now and it’s a lot of fun, although I haven’t ruined any paintings, yet…) and I thought it would really get my point across to paint over most of my face.

Okay Sarah, you’re kind of bugging me now. You’re being too hard on yourself.

Oh really, how’s that?

Because you were TRYING. You ARE trying. You were experimenting with bringing abstraction and realism together. Maybe it didn’t work, who knows? But what I do know is you don’t try this enough because you are always afraid of making it worse. Which you will 99% of the time. But there will be that 1% that WILL be a breakthrough, and you’ll never find that if you don’t keep trying, failing, and trying again.

Well!

That took an unexpected turn. They’re right though. Who was that voice anyway?

I paint so many different subjects. I love being able to do this. But at some point, I really want, and need, to figure out how to successfully combine them. I’ve been working on this for years, and sometimes I’m mildly successful, but for the most part, they don’t come close to the awe I’m trying to inspire in myself. I’m working on one now and it’s just not coming together the way I’d hoped. (I’m sure I’ll write all about it.)

Here’s the pattern: I decide to combine subjects in a painting. I fail. I stop trying for a while and go back to painting flowers, landscapes, portraits, and abstracts separately instead of merging them into one masterpiece. I end up with a bunch of different paintings of completely different subjects instead of one big one that says it all. Eventually, I try to combine again. And the cycle repeats.

I guess making fun of myself for trying isn’t really helping.

So instead, how’s this?

Here’s my attempt at combining realism and abstraction in painting. I really, really, REALLY want to learn how to master this for myself and my painting. Good for me for trying. Good for me for failing.

Now stand up, get to work, try again, and fail some more. You have to get through so many failures to reach one success. So let’s go.

The original painting