Oil on canvas, 18”x18”, 14”x18”

I was going through some old, unstretched paintings when I came across the gem on the left…one of my very first self-portraits. It took my breath away a little. Did I really used to paint that terribly and think it was good enough to keep? I know I probably didn’t spend much time on it, maybe it was just a practice painting, but still… wow.

I decided to hang it in my house next to my most recent self-portrait. Side by side, they became a reminder of where I started versus where I am now. That early portrait reminds me of how badly I wanted to learn, how desperate I was to paint better.

What’s funny is… nothing’s really changed. I’ve just raised the bar. I still feel that same desperation to improve, to keep reaching for more, every single day.

Sometimes I wonder if that’s a good thing. Shouldn’t we be happy with where we are, with what we already have?

Maybe.

But for me, the striving is what keeps me going. It keeps me moving forward. I’ve never felt perfectly content, and maybe that’s what keeps painting alive for me.